Oh, man, I’m going to step in it today. Oh, no.
Daily readership is already trending slightly down, I guess I want it to just bottom out.
But I started this column to speak my mind, so….
I have to write this column because the disease has entered the home.
It’s in the house!
The amorphous mind creature has morphed and shape-shifted, it has entered the brain here in my own home. God help us is there a doctor nearby, we need help, for God’s sake it’s now inside the house. My wife is afflicted with the brain worm, please help.
Biden leads Trump with women voters in polling 58-36 in the latest polls.
If Biden ends up winning in this next election he will have women to thank.
And we, us, all of us, will have women to blame for what follows.
Biden already owes his victory in 2020 to the women’s vote. They put him into office.
He said he was a uniter and not a divider. Trump was all “ick” and all. Oh wait, are the prices at the grocery store tied to my vote for Biden, really? Cause I wouldn’t have done that if I had known. Ummm, Abortion rights! Bodily autonomy! Jail them if they won’t get the shot! Trump wants to “grab ‘em by the…”, I can’t vote for him!
Whaaa? Policies? Yeah, I liked the economy under Trump, I want the borders closed.
But, but, but, “Ick”, he is orange and gross. And, and, bodily autonomy! Huh? What do you mean, states rights?
Sorry, sorry, I’m still coping with a morning conversation with the wife.
Listen, I’m old enough to have lived through these ridiculous stories you see in the newspapers that flip-flop every few years and if you pay any attention at all you begin to see a pattern, trends and fads that rise up like waves, then crash to the shore. Only to be replaced by other, new waves. Stories with a theme that is never really true.
I call it “eggs are bad, eggs are good, no eggs are bad, eggs are good, wait, farm raised, free range eggs are good, all those others bad. Oh wait, only the brown ones”syndrome.
Over time I’ve read articles from every angle on eggs and egg consumption. Ten thousand years or more man has eaten eggs. But somehow in the last 40 years we’ve had to debate the wisdom and nourishment value of eating eggs. And the articles have whip-sawed from “eggs are good”, to “eggs are bad”, to all kinds of bullshit side arguments in between. There are women out there who read the latest article claiming egg consumption is awful, and who refuse to feed their children eggs, refuse to consume eggs, and who consider a main staple of consumption for all of human existence “bad”.
I’m sorry, but that is pure insanity.
And it is important in the conversation because women don’t seem to question the shit they read at all. They see it, they read it, it resonates, they start to believe. They never ask, “why do they want me to see this”?
You want to see an example of how women have lost their absolute freaking minds?
Go to any grocery store and look at the “milk” section. As a kid we had milk. Just milk. Coffee drinkers had cream, or 1/2 and 1/2. There were two options. Cows milk, and 1/2 and 1/2. That was it. Oh sure, the Julia Child types had “heavy cream”. That wasn’t on the shelves as I remember it in Parkville, Maryland growing up. No one was making Coque au Vin in Parkville and in the need of heavy whipping cream. And you can damn sure bet there wasn’t a housewife in Parkville making their own whipped cream. Not when there was a can of Reddi-Whip in the case. No, heavy whipping cream didn’t make the shelves in my neighborhood growing up. Two milk choices. And we all survived rather well.
Today?
Holy shit.
The wife asked me to get her some brand of “milk” and when I got to the store there were three options of just her bullshit brand. An Almond version, another nut version, and I didn’t bother to look at the third carton, I’d never seen the brand, didn’t know they made three versions, and skipped buying the product because I knew I’d do the wrong thing. Told the wife to buy it next trip to Target, which for women these days is every-other-day. There are dozens of kinds of nut milks. There are milks that aren’t milk at all. There are 2 percent milks. There are no fat milks. There might be milk-milks but I didn’t stand long enough to find any. There are goat milks, I think I even saw Yak milk. I don’t know, the whole section was so bogus and bullshit I had to walk away.
Only women could take perfectly good “milk”, real milk, the kind humanity has been drinking since we crawled out of the primordial ooze and wreck it all, seeing the way the shelves look today.
In “Herman-World” you’d have three choices. Milk. 1/2 and 1/2. And “Oh, you are allergic, or have some problem drinking milk” then don’t drink it. At all. Done. Head for the soda section. No, we are not going to make up some phony milk-tasting crap for you, that would just be full of stuff you probably shouldn’t drink anyway.
Something we’ve been drinking since cave man days can’t be bad.
Anyway back to the discussion with the wife. There I am, volunteering for folding duty when she dumps clothes all over the bed from the dryer, folding, folding, folding, when I had to be treated to a discussion over all the bad things I put into our dinners, and how she was listening to a podcast, and….oh no, oh God no. I suggested Joe Rogan, I suggested Dark Horse, I suggested Lex Fridman, how did a discussion on “butter bad” get into their podcasts? I recommended great podcasts, no way they had a “butter bad” doctor on any of those.
Oh, she was listening to one of those doctor podcasts. Where processed food is “poison”, and what you put into your body is ruining your health, and how Ozempic really isn’t that bad, and can help regulate, and……”Aaaaagghhhh”.
I can’t take listening to this horse shit.
If you are so easily misled by some bullshit podcast that would call processed food “poison” please don't vote. Please, please, please. You’ll end up with the opinion “Orange man bad” and vote accordingly. Because they beat that “Orange man bad” drum by the second. If you will listen to a “Ozempic can help you lose weight” podcast your mind is pudding. The Biden campaign is relying on such voters.
Listen up people, listen good.
More people are alive today, and populations in developing nations are growing because, wait for it, big Agra and big food, read big processors, have made food so cheap and abundant that even the poor are getting fat.
Now yes, it is possible that all this processed food has side effects that create a fat poor person who isn’t in the shape they should be given their lifestyle and consumption but allow me to point out that, and I can’t believe I have to say this, poor and fat and not hungry is better than starving and dead. By just a bit.
There was a time, not so long ago, the poor in America didn’t have food to eat. Not just cheap food, any food. And families went to bed hungry. Today, between government programs and cheap processed food that does provide at least some minimal level of nutrition, kids are eating regularly. They may not be eating the right foods, contributing to excess weight and other issues, but get this, they are alive!
They actually exist as a human because, get this, their parents went to bed on a full stomach and were in the mood to procreate. Hungry and starving people don’t climb into bed and think, hey, I’m starving but sex would be nice. No they don’t.
Ever been hungry? I mean really hungry? Go to bed wishing you had a meal? You have nothing on your mind but eating a meal. Not sex, not sports, not anything.
Big Agra is responsible for a bigger population, cheaper nourishment, and less starvation.
They are not the evil the mainstream media paints them to be.
Only women who have achieved a level of comfort in life worry about which of the 157 alternative “milks” they bring home. Hard working poor grab the red cap “milk” the same way humans have done for millennium and they don’t worry about being lactose intolerant. That is a rich persons problem. In the jungles of Ghana they aren’t decrying the lack of acidophilus milk. No they aren’t.
And they aren’t worrying about “eggs are good, eggs are bad”. See egg, eat egg.
Based on polling women are going to make the difference in this next election. They are actually going to be the deciding factor in who gets voted in.
Please dear God don’t allow a sector of the voting population who watched “The Golden Batchelor” and couldn’t see the eventual divorce coming decide our next President. Please, please, please.
Please don’t let people who think that taking Ozempic to lose weight is going to be “perfectly all right”, and not a future “Morgan and Morgan” class action law suit vote.
If you are a woman reading this column please dear God begin to ask with the reading of every news article, the watching of every news show, “why do they want me to see this”.
Because we are all being propagandized full time.
Listen to me.
Eggs; good.
Cows milk; good.
Biden; bad. Very, very bad.
See those grocery store prices? Remember them under “Orange man bad”? No? Cause we didn’t have this problem until “Bidenomics”.
Women, vote your wallet. Realize “bodily autonomy” is a ruse. You have states rights. Vote abortion legal where you live, problem solved. Think “safe, legal and rare”. Great, we can all live together with that, right? And I’m far right Catholic. But I live in the real world.
Dear Lord, my own wife. Talking about processed food being “poison”.
On an “eggs are bad” rant this morning. Holy shit.
She has the power to cancel my vote. Cancel my vote! My vote!
It’s in the house, how Dear God do you stop it when it gets inside the house?
You can’t. My little woman is voting for quickie Nikki, no matter what I say or show her. You are not alone pal.